I just noticed that I have a bunch of randomly-scribbled notes about a topic in my notebook, and I thought I would write them up in the hope of giving you a Thursday afternoon laugh. My topic for today is: tech people who have strange characteristics, but give presentations on new technologies I am trying to learn more about, so I’m supposed to pretend they’re not strange, which of course makes me laugh.
You’re probably already aware of this, but the tech industry is like one big continuing education unit all the time, just to know what’s going on. This means that one of the things I have to do on a regular basis is take webinars (I know, the word makes me cringe too) about new technologies and methodologies. Maybe because I am weird, I cannot help but notice the different characteristics of the webinar (skeeve) presenters, who happen to also be tech people who, before the advent of the internet and recording technologies would just have been regular geek-types, but are now out there in the world, which apparently doesn’t make them any less geeky or awkward. I'm pretty sure none of these guys has ever seen a naked lady.
In my notes I have named them as such:
–Guy who sounds like he’s telling a bedtime story. “Children, do you know about zipped plugins? What does THIS plugin do? Do you know how to change the link structure? Who knows how?” Who does this guy think he is talking to, I wonder? Does he think the term “presentation” means he has to talk to everyone like they’re five? This guy’s technology was not impressive enough for me to endure the entire presentation.
–Guy who sounds like Dracula: “Now ve vill go over bookmarking and linking warious sites together.” This guy’s technology is cool but he lacks an overall methodology, plus he has that crazy accent so every fifth word is something that makes me burst out laughing, like "Key Prozess". I don’t want to disparage him for being from a foreign country because good for him and I definitely couldn’t give an effective tech presentation in Transylvania, but it’s still funny. This guy also slams on his keyboard like he’s mad at it. Why is this necessary? Does he know that the microphone is picking this up? This guy has an American business partner whose voice breaks like he's 14, and also, he uses words like "rad" and "super cool" all the time.
–Guy who needs to take a drink of water: (click) Here is a demonstration on how to create (click) a blog post using this specific (click) syntax.” Note: Is it wrong that I filed a support ticket letting him know that I almost can’t listen to his voice because his mouth is so tacky? It’s mean, I know. Should I remind you that I am married to the Voice of God? I have high standards, and really, so should you if you are asking me to watch your (click) presentations.
–Guy who says “SEO-Optimization.” Just shoot me. I actually Tweeted this guy to stop doing this because I think it makes him sound stupid, and sure enough, his ideas were equally lukewarm. Perhaps his presentation skills are soft from all the SEO-Optimizing he does all day. In case you're not the industry, the O stands for Optimization, which is why that's dumb.
I know, I’m in the peanut gallery making fun of innocent IT geeks, but people! It takes a lot of energy for me to focus on one thing for a prolonged period of time, and mocking the instructor is what I do with my excess attention. Come ON! You know it’s funny.
