You guys, I can’t believe it’s going to be June already. Does it seem to anyone else like this year is going by REALLY fast? I keep trying to delegate work, and then I’m writing code at midnight going “Didn’t I delegate this?” I don’t know if you can tell this if you’re not in the tech industry, but it’s feeling like 1999 out there again, people—startups are cropping up every single day, people are starting businesses (and needing websites) like there’s no tomorrow, and apparently a lot of people are reading my book (about websites). To answer your question (if you are one of the many people who have asked me this), yes, I am writing another tech-related book about building websites, yes, it is going to be mostly about WordPress, and yes, it is going to come out this year. So, that’s all awesome. Also, I finally found a publisher for my Young Adult novel, so I’m really excited about that. Of course I will let you know when/ where you can buy that, and I will work on delegating better so I actually have time to write books again.
Oh, also, in case you’re wondering what happened with Sparah, the answer is a very cryptic “nothing, as I have been told to stop talking about the similarities between my book and their commercial series, which absolutely do not exist, because no one knows who I am and no one that made that commercial ever read my book,” ok? In case you are one of the (many) people who emailed or Tweeted me about those similarities, Virgin Mobile and their associated companies and entities would like you to know that you were wrong about what you thought you saw, because those things are different, and not the same, and not similar. At all. In any way.
Also, I suppose it would be impolitic for me to mention at this point that Virgin Mobile has a typo in the Google AdWords buy that they are running for that campaign– an AdWords ad that, ironically, IS RUNNING ON THIS WEBSITE from time to time, which looks like this:
OPPS, looks like someone wasn't careful enough when manually entering copy for their Google AdWords Content Network Buy. Ordinarily Google would just not let you use a mispelled word. But…wow! You guys, Virgin is so powerful, they can even MISSPELL WORDS in their advertising and not get penalized by Google for typos. Good to know.
Oh! Also, if you are one of the people who came over here and left mean and snarky comments about how I was just pointing out those similarities (which do not exist) in order to “sell my shitty novel,” thanks for your insight. As it turns out, YOU WERE RIGHT. Those things are not the same, and you’re probably also right about me being a hack, even though you haven’t read my book and don’t even know me. Don’t you feel so great about being so right? I wish for you a wonderful future in which you try to get something published for three years, then notice a similarity on television and point it out, then people attack you for noticing and call you names and criticize your work. I only wish I hadn’t deleted your awesome comments, which turned out to be so very, very right.
Anyhoo, as my mother used to say (or is that anywho? I was never clear on that one). Let’s put that behind us. Now I must proceed to the business of the day, which is this absurd advertisement I saw recently on my gas pump. Let's take a moment to look at it, shall we?
First off, when did advertising extend to gas pumps? Is this a new thing? Don’t advertisers understand that I am PISSED OFF about how expensive gas is right now, and I’m trying to get in and out of there as quickly as possible? Am I meant to stand there, seething about why gas is so expensive and the ridiculousness of foreign wars, and then suddenly this seethingness converts into a desire for Ruffles?
I don’t think so.
Also, why are the Ruffles “Molten Hot Wings” flavored? Are chips supposed to taste like poultry? This does not sound like a good idea. Is this flavor appealing to a large enough segment of America to warrant a new product launch? I find that dubious. Furthermore, did the people who came up with the concept of placing an ad ON A GAS PUMP not think through the fact that once I am done pumping gas, there is gas on my hands, and so any food that I might eat is now also going to smell like gas? Or, wait—would the smell/ taste of gasoline actually be an attribute in this case? Again, I am not clear about these chicken (and now gasoline) flavored chips.
Additionally, I don’t care for the tagline “Punch your mouth in its face.” Um….what? I know, I know, I dissect these things too much, but people—advertising agencies spend millions of dollars coming up with these lines and focus grouping them, and I guess I'm just surprised that this was the one they settled on. One of my friends is a brilliant, Don Draper-style advertising executive, and when I texted her this photo, she was like “What the….?”
Why would I want to punch my mouth in its face? Why does my mouth have a face? This whole concept is disturbing and reminds me of a Pink Floyd album cover I saw once, where there was a face with only a mouth, and the face was eating the mouth, and…… I AM FREAKING OUT NOW, MAN. Was that the intention? Was Ruffles trying to mindf%ck me into buying some of their chickeny potato chips and eating them with my gasoline-covered fingers? Well, no thank you, Ruffles. Not only am I pissed off about the price of gas, not only do I not want to eat after I have pumped gas, not only do I NOT WANT TO EAT POTATO CHIPS THAT TASTE LIKE CHICKEN, but also?
When I get the munchies, man, I’m much more of a SmartPop and Cool Ranch Doritos type of girl. Thanks though!
Also, please buy my novel, which is absolutely nothing like the Sparah series by Virgin Mobile currently running on television. They're not the same! It's not about Katie Holmes! Oh my God! Drop it already!
