The other night on the news there was a story about these criminals, and they had this totally elaborate scheme where they impersonated Postal workers and filed tax returns and the whole thing, and while, yes, I was disturbed by the crimes, I also was struck by the length to which these people would apparently go to commit them.
Because, um, don't thieves steal things because stealing is easier than working? That's always the impression I got, from television and such. And, this scheme, it just seemed so….hard, you know what I mean? I'm not even one of those people who is like "get a job," because do whatever you want, I don't care, but seriously? Get a job. The job will be easier than this shenanigan you are trying (and failing) to pull off. You are the human equivalent of the Hamburglar. Get a nice job at H & R block filing tax returns– you will use the same skills and probably net the same amount of money, and oh, you won't have to go to jail and end up on the news when your plan falls through.
This logic answers itself, though, because obviously if they were skilled enough to actually pull off the scheme, they wouldn't be in jail right now, or on the news. Maybe there should be some kind of criminal counseling program, where people could be like "Look, that was a good effort, but you are just terrible at committing crimes. You should go straight for your own good, and because these schemes you're cooking up are the rough equivalent of a middle class day job."
Am I wrong about this? I feel like if someone gets caught for a crime, I want it to be a Lex Luthor type heist. Those guys filing tax returns wrong and people robbing a liquor store for $25 just make me sad inside.
Yes, these are the kinds of things I think about. Wouldn't you love to live inside my head?
