I totally love it when people email me weird things (photos or just references to things they’ve seen), and they’re like “you have to write about this please.” I love it because it’s funny to me that you would be walking down the street or watching tv, and see something random, and your first thought is “Culwell. Must. Know about this.” Occupying that place in your mind is just fantastic to me, so keep sending me the photos and references, ok?
So, now—by special request, I will be writing about two things that have been brought to my attention by you, Funny Strange readers. When I put them together, I kind of think they point to the overall trending laziness of people in general, so I am writing about that.
First up: Charmin’s “Enjoy the Go” campaign, with the cartoon bears and the soul music and the toilet in Times’ Square? Yeah– I feel like I started noticing the “bear in the woods” commercials a few years ago, and when I first saw them I was like “Ooooh, I get it—a bear s$%ts in the woods, and now we are making the mental leap to them telling us what kind of toilet paper they like. I get it.”
I get it, and I keep wishing I didn’t, and that it would go away, because a) it’s just a little too clever for its own good—a little like a Saturday Night Live sketch that seemed really good on paper, but then they realized that a good idea doesn’t necessarily (or, ever) result in a consistently funny three minute sketch, and b) because now it’s expanded to Time’s Square, and c) the whole “Enjoy the Go” thing is just really gross. Have you seen the website? Dress it up with all the cartoon bears you want, dude. It’s still about pooping. http://www.enjoythego.com. Can’t we find more civilized things to talk about? What about books? Movies? Politics? Even religion might be better than talking about poop, don’t you think?
Also, the big Times Square bathroom thing? Also features a guy, DRESSED LIKE A TOILET, inviting people to come in and use the bathroom. Did I mention it’s 20 degrees outside, and the guy is dressed like a toiler? I mean, good for him for doing that job, but shame on Charmin for even having that BE a job. They couldn’t have dressed him up in a bear suit? Hello! Then he would have been warm AND his face would’ve been covered. Would that not have been the more dignified way to go?
Also in the “lazy and weird” category: the Reebok “Tone Up” clothes. I get the “shape up” shoes—they actually do work despite looking extremely Frankenstein-ian, I do not believe the materials used to make these shoes can somehow be used to make clothes that will tone up your body parts without you actually having to perform any exercise. At least the shoes require you to be WALKING for them to work. Sadly, clothes that promise to tone you up are catering to that part of America that wants the easy answer—you know, the ones who order the double bacon cheeseburger and fries, then get the Diet Coke? I know, it sounds like I am being all “America is Fat and Makes Excuses for Itself,” and I totally am. Clothes that exercise for you? Yucky. America, seriously—this is your tough love wakeup call. Diet pills and toning clothes are not the answer. You are fat. Put down the Twinkie, go to the gym, and also? Stop talking about your poopings. I don’t care if you enjoy the go. I don’t want to hear about it.
