OK, that is just wrong—I spent all this time formatting today’s post, then I went to post it and it erased itself for some reason. Damn you, Typepad!
Let me try to recap—it’s Thanksgiving, so I’m giving thanks, most especially for you guys! As a writer, it’s a big deal that ANYONE shows up to hear me rant about my absurd points of view, so I super, super appreciate you all taking the time to read the blog, buy my books, admire my “weird stuff” photo collection, hire me to do your projects, and the like. I feel special. Thanks!
Also, of course—I am thankful for my amazing husband, and my health, and my friends and family, and my dog, and my business, and the internet, without which we would not be here today. I have lots of nice people in my life, and I really try hard to be a good friend and to do something nice for someone every single day. For real!
And now, on to the Funny Strange portion of the program.
Lately I have been noticing a few things that appear to be going on, and I don't get them, and I would like someone to explain if possible. So, here goes.
What is going on with the following:
–Black Friday. Listen, I love saving money as much as anyone, probably more, but Target at 4am? Why is this a thing? Why do people do this? Can the savings really be good enough to give up sleep, which as far as I'm concerned is worth actual money? Sleep is a magical elixir from Jesus, people. I am not trading magical Jesus elixir for 4 am at Walmart, ok?
— The "Real Housewives" shows. I mentioned that I have been watching the Beverly Hills one and that Camille Grammar is a horrible person, but I don't get why this concept is so popular. Rich ladies arguing about nothing? Why is this a thing? Seriously, if you like one of these shows, please tell me why.
–Apparently Oprah's design guy Nate Berkus has a show where he redoes a room in your house while you're sleeping. My question here is– how are these people not waking up during the load-in of the new room? How are these things logistically arranged, and how are these contractors being so quiet? Have you ever had anything remodeled? Those guys are on the cell phone, they're hammering walls that don't even need to be hammered, they're Shop-Vac'ing at 7 am. I guess this also goes back to sleep, because if you can sleep through something like that, I would really like some of whatever sleep medication you are taking. Good Lord!
Also, what if you wake up and you totally don't like the room, and you're like "Get out of here!". I'm just saying that would be funny, right? For real, though, their stories are all touching and they're all super grateful, but I think the concept of doing it whole thing while they're sleeping is kind of contrived and silly.
Finally, I have finally put my finger on what is really wrong with those drug commercials where they list off all the conditions you should tell your doctor about before you start taking them. Here's an example: you go to the doctor to get a Spiriva Handihaler for your asthma, and the commercial says to let your doctor know if you have trouble urinating.
How can I say this without being crass?
You need your kidneys to live, so maybe get that urine problem under control BEFORE you work on that asthma, okey dokey? I'm sure the Spiriva Handihaler is awesome, but if you don't address that urination problem, you might be so busy with dialysis you don't even have time to pick up your Spiriva prescription. Just a thought. Priorities!!!
Is now a good time to point out that starting out with gratitude for things and people in my life and ending up with urine is the very epitome of this blog? Didn’t know if you caught that. Anyhoo, Happy Thanksgiving, and if you’re planning on doing the Black Friday thing, please be sure to take pictures for me, because I think we all know where I’ll be.
