Thank you very much for your enthusiasm over my goal to run the New York marathon (not you Lisa, you just laughed, but that's ok). I can now run five miles in a row! FIVE MILES, dude! I am basically alternating running with fast-walking uphill every other day as my training, and at the end of each week I add another mile to what I did the week before. I got a marathon training book and am sort of following that. Also, I learned that if you run while wearing Sketchers shape ups, your ankle will hurt the next day. Who knew? Those shoes are just for groove-walking, man– nothing else!
Anyhow, someone asked the other day why I don't do a triathlon instead of a marathon, and I started ranting about how much I dislike swimming and how bad I am at it, and then it occurred to me that I should stop talking and start writing, so here are my notes from that:
The marathon– it's something I'm doing just to see if I can do it. If I wimp out halfway through, I can always take a break and walk for a mile or two. Not so with the swimming portion of the triathlon program.
I'm positive that, during the "swim" portion of the triathlon, there is the possibility of getting kicked in the head and sinking to the bottom of the ocean, and it is the possibility of becoming one of these grim statistics that would keep me from ever entering a race like that. I know, it sounds weird and kind of paranoid, but I totally can't get behind a sport that could end up in my actual demise. Sorry. Did I mention that I generally just don't like swimming? Don't like it. Know how to do it, could probably swim to safety if required to in some kind of freak flood situation, but I'm definitely not one of those "I love swimming" people. To me swimming is just hard, and while I respect the fact that other people get in the water and feel like all their troubles are melting away, I am not that person, and I do not feel like any amount of practice could make me into that person.
I was talking to my mother in law about the marathon training, and she mentioned that when she sees triathlons televised, all she can think of is "oh my god, the chafing," and then we also started extrapolating on the foot fungus, and the clothing changes, and they probably all need antibiotics when they're done with the race, and oh God, what about the jock itch that you would get if you ran and biked with your wet, post-swimming skin even if you changed your clothes, and what about the sand that you would get in your nether regions if you swam in the ocean, then ran on sand, then rode on a bike–ouchy ouch ouch!
Speaking of ouch, I have noticed that this marathon training is less about building up running stamina and more about finding creative ways to strap down my boobs. That picture up there? That is not a picture of me, but rather, a stock photo of a person for whom running is MUCH easier, boob-wise, than it is for me. Does anyone have any advice for me about this? I feel like I need to go all "Boys Don't Cry" and use an ace bandage when I run, and I actually might try that. Right now I'm up to a regular bra AND a sports bra, and I still had to keep slowing down to make adjustments, if you know what I mean. I don't think "running while physically holding your boobs down" is going to work for 26 miles, right?
If you're wondering, yes, this is the first time I have ever discussed boobs here on Funny Strange, and that is because I want you to like me for my mind, ok? Look up here at my face please. No, they are not fake, and yes, i try to hide and downplay them when possible, though i did go to a party dressed as Pamela Anderson once, but that was just because i was in grad school and was trying to make a statement about gender politics. Ordinarily the combination of the large-ish breasts and the blonde hair makes people assume that I'm stupid, and I like talking about technical stuff, so I suppose I'm in some sort of computer geek drag all the time, with my big shirts and glasses. I'll have to journal about that one and let you know what I come up with (note: I just used the word "journal" as a verb– what did you think of it? Stephan and I say it sometime to skeeve each other out. "Why don't you go journal about that?")
Seriously– any runners out there want to make a recommendation? The more miles I work up to, the more this is presenting itself as an actual issue. More about marathon training and my search for an adequately supportive jog bra in future posts.
