Um, did no one at Funny or Die watch Punk’d?
Dude– I wanted this blog post to be all about this extremely entertaining piece of insider gossip I heard about Mel Gibson this week, but SORRY, can't share it, friend asked me not to tell anyone. Too bad, because it was a nice tidbit. Maybe I will have to start on another "Hollywood Car Wash" style book, which is what I did the LAST time people told me dishy things I wasn't supposed to tell other people.
So, I'm sure by now you've seen this Funny or Die video of Jewel dressing up like someone else and singing her own songs at a karaoke bar. If not, perhaps take a moment to watch it now!
Hmm…..first of all, yes, Jewel is a lovely girl and a fine singer, and can I just say that I'm happy for her that she has a new album coming out and seems to have gotten her teeth fixed? Good for her.
But– ok. The Funny or Die piece. Full disclosure: they shot this piece at our former favorite karaoke dive the Gas Lite in Santa Monica (right there on Wilshire), where we actually had Stephan's 40th birthday party, and where, oh my God, you can usually see some INSANE people doing karaoke– not "insane" like they're so good, but "insane" like they're actually mentally ill. Some of them are so crazy, we had names for them, like "Muppety Mike," who is either singing karaoke or having some kind of epileptic fit or perhaps an enhanced Tourette's episode. Or maybe the wheelchair-bound little person we called "Murderball" BECAUSE HE TOLD US TO, or the German performance-art type guy who loves performing Cars songs.
Do you think I'm kidding? Oh, I am so glad for your doubt, because it allows me to show these hilarious clips that I myself shot at the Gas Lite, because the clip that they show of the guy doing karaoke at the Gas Lite isn't NEARLY WACKY ENOUGH to demonstrate the true absurdity:
Yup. Here is a guy doing a positively TERRIBLE version of "Minute by Minute." It makes me laugh out loud every time I watch it. He doesn't really get started until the 19-second mark, but boy is it worth it.
Just, oh my God.
Here's the thing with that Jewel video– WHERE'S THE BIG REVEAL THAT KAREN IS REALLY JEWEL? Of course you can tell the people are dumbfounded that there's a person who can actually sing– THEY'RE AT THE GAS LITE, ok? I get how this is a good gag, and I love the looks on the people's faces, but I have to take issue with the actual narrative structure of the joke, in that she comes back in as Jewel, and ok, the audience MIGHT get it because they seem to be chanting ""KAREN, KAREN," but clearly some of them didn't get the joke, because as you can see, the "Funny or Die" guys have to spell it out for a few people at the end. Like, wouldn't it have made more sense for her to pull her wig and fake nose off at the end of the standing ovation she got as "Karen"? This gag lacks the dramatic flair of an episode of "Punk'd," like the one where they told Justin Timberlake he lost all his money, and they let it go on for a little too long, and then they told him he got Punk'd, and he was so relieved/ pissed, etc, etc. I don't even like that show, but I have to commend Ashton Kutcher on creating a fine dramatic arc in each episode– one that could have really been followed much better in this "Jewel does karaoke" joke.
Also, I don't know why I find this weird– why did she have to sing only her own songs? She's Jewel– she can't do a nice cover of "White Lightening" like everyone else at the bar? Who sings a Jewel song at karaoke anymore?
Yeah yeah yeah, I'm a total spoil sport, it was funny, Jewel is awesome, I get it. Seriously though– is this weird to anyone else, or have you at least enjoyed my video clips of the other fine talent on display at the Gas Lite?
Um, ok, first of all, I can totally vouch for how crazy the gas light is. I was there with you when Murderball asked us all the thumb wrestle.
Second, I REALLY think I would have realized it was Jewel. If I wasn’t sure, the fact that someone was there recording it would have given it away.
Third, why did she get her teeth fixed? She was all snaggly for years, why not leave it that way? She turned into such a sell out. I remember years ago when she wrote that song Intuition and the video was all, “Let me pretend I’m selling out, but the video is all about how I’m not selling out, but by only PRETENDING to not sell out, I get to wear tight sexy clothes and kind of actually sell out at the same time.” And then she sold the rights to the song to Intuition razors to use on their ads. I’m over you, Jewel. Not that I ever really liked you that much.
Where’s the clip of Josh doing “Take On Me?”