Where We Pose the Question– WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?

OK, you’re waiting in line behind someone for the bathroom
at Starbucks.  Assuming that you saw this
person and that they did not look like a homeless junkie who is naturally going
to be in there for an hour Taking Care of Business, what do you think when that
person is in there for, say, 10 minutes or longer?

Here are some ideas we threw out the other day as Stephan
waited in line behind that very person (not the homeless junkie type) while
talking to me on the phone:

Stephan:  “God damn
this person is taking a long time in the bathroom.   What do you suppose they’re doing in there?”

Me:  “My first guess
would be destroying the bathroom.  Good
luck to you.”

We then went on to name several other alternate scenarios
just to amuse ourselves.

What…..are you doing your taxes in there?

Are you washing your clothes in the sink?  Probably not the most sanitary choice.

Are you talking on the phone?  Because that’s disgusting.

Are you trying to
poop?  If so, please, PLEASE take some fiber
pills.   I don’t know if you know, but
that is not normal at all.  

Are you reading a magazine?  
Did you go in there KNOWING you didn’t really have to go, but just
thought you’d try to use the Starbucks bathroom while it was free?  Rude. 

Are you bombing the bathroom?   If so, please avoid eye contact when you
come out, and make sure to courtesy flush, because that is just gross.

Are you (excuse me) pleasuring yourself in there?  Because again, RUDE.  It’s a one-person bathroom.  You can’t find a stall-based situation in
which to do that kind of thing?

Are you having a panic attack?  This one I get, but I feel like you could
call out to the people who are waiting that you are going to be a minute. 

Also, since we’re talking about bathrooms, can I just say
that I have been in several public restrooms lately where a person a few stalls
down is making groaning noises?  This
happened at BEA, of all places.  BOOK
EXPO AMERICA, dudes.  Aren’t book people
supposed to be civilized?  Is it possible
that people don’t actually KNOW that they’re groaning while using the
restroom?  That is a scary thought.  I guess try to pay attention to yourself next
time, just to see if that person is you.

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