Quaker Oats Cuss-Out
For those who are interested, the orthopedist squeezed me in, x-rayed my foot, and declared it NOT BROKEN. This orthopedist is the son of the woman who owns a house where we used to live in Santa Monica. Incidentally, when we moved out, a tv producer/ screenwriter moved in (Jacqui), and she is now optioning my novel for tv. But that is a WHOLE different story, one that assuredly requires another post, and probably a press release. Let’s get back to the orthopedist. This orthopedist is very good looking and doesn’t seem married, so I was trying to think of a good way to suss out whether he’d want to go out with my single friend without seeming like it was ME who wanted to go out with him (because I like to look out for my friends, even when my foot aches. That is the kind of friend I am, man). But, since I couldn’t think of a way to ask without sounding like a weirdo swinger, I decided to just let it go, and see what he had to say about my foot.
ANYHOOO, Dr. Handsome Orthopedist (I’m sure he’d be absolutely thrilled with this nickname after going to med school for a zillion years. Maybe about as excited as I feel about getting a Master’s degree, then having the UPS guy call me "sweetie") looked over the X-ray, then pronounced my foot pain a "classic case of plantar fascitis," which is awesome because it means my foot is not broken, and all I have to do is stretch it a little and buy an insole. Sweet!
Also, in "I think this is hilarious, but you might not" news, when I was parking in Beverly Hills to go see Dr. Handsome Orthopedist, a little old lady cut me off, then TOTALLY STARTED CUSSING ME OUT, like "What the F*#& are you doing? F@*^ you!" This made me laugh, which made her even madder. I kid you not, she looked like a female version of the Quaker Oats guy, which is why I thought it was so funny. Can you imagine what she says when she gets mad at her grandkids? I’m just sayin."
Mind you, the two people I’ve told this story to so far have been like "That is HORRIBLE!"
Dude, I had plantar fasciitis (or however you spell it) three years ago, no doubt exacerbated by the tap classes I was taking at the time. My podiatrist (who was definitely NOT hot) gave me a shot in my foot and also prescribed insoles. It got better, but only after wearing semi-sensible shoes for about six months. So no tap for Lori!