Disc Two: So Much Funny, a Few Good Songs….
So, what up? I got my flu shot Monday afternoon, then went to work out, then out to dinner, and damn! By 10:00 I was wiped out and laid on the bed watching a "Dog Whisperer" marathon. I still managed to pull this post together, though, because that's just the kind of guy I am.
In case you're following along, we're now on CD Two of deconstructing the Class Seventies Box Set. Here's what we've got for you today:
1. The Guitar Man, by Bread. We have already established that there will be no Bread on this set. Stephan: “Man up, David Gates. Your guitar amp has a volume knob for a reason. Use it!”
2. Tin Man, by America. I just want to say, they used The Wizard of Oz as a songwriting device, and these two things should never be used together unless you’re really baked and trying to see if “Dark Side of the Moon” matches up with this movie.
3. Wildfire, by Michael Martin Murphey. This one falls under the aegis of “story songs,” and therefore, we will have to cut it from the list. The only good story song is “Tangled Up in Blue” by Bob Dylan, and you sir, are no Bob Dylan. So, take your pony named Wildfire, put it back in its stall, and go away.
4. 25 or 6 to 4, by Chicago. So far, this is the only song on this disc that’s any good, so we think it should be # 1. Smokin’ horns, an awesome beat, and you can dance to it.
5. Lotta Love, by Nicolette Larson. Stephan says he remembers one of his very first “couples skates” at Del Monte Roller rink to this song, but that wasn’t really enough compelling evidence to keep it on the list, because I think it’s schmaltzy.
6. What a Fool Believes, by the Doobie Brothers. I have never heard a bad song by the Doobie Brothers, perhaps because they were always so high. So, remember kids—if you want to write great songs for the radio—always be high. This song is quintessential Lido rock, sucking down a few bowls of kona kind on Jeff “Skunk” Baxter’s yacht. Though, I did want to mention—when I first heard this song, I thought the line was “Muster a smile for his nostalgic tan,” and I’m still not sure what the real line is.
7. Steal Away Robbie Dupree. Hmm—ok. It clearly belongs on this list, and it doesn’t actually suck, so it can stay. Why don’t we steal away into the night? Ok then.
8. You're The Only Woman Ambrosia. I love Ambrosia, did I mention? Still, it must be said that Ambrosia songs are all about getting laid, even more than regular rock songs. Ambrosia’s method seems to be “I’m going to show you how sensitive I am….so you’ll have sex with me.”
9. Sexy Eyes Dr. Hook. No, that is not happening. What’s he a doctor of? Also, this song is so gutless, if you changed the lyrics, it could be used on Sesame Street.
10. Kiss You All Over Exile. Really? Till the night closes in? This guy is gay, okay? If the sun is coming up and you still haven’t done it, something is wrong with you. Stop kissing her and get it done.
11. Even The Nights Are Better Air Supply. Stephan says: “I will live a long and fruitful life if I never hear another Air Supply song. I heard enough in the seventies, and I am all done.”
12. Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do) Christopher Cross. # 1 it’s a story song, # 2 it’s a song written for a movie, which is just yucky, and # 3 it’s a bad use of Christopher Cross’ talent, and # 4 Is that the best he can do? Really? Sorry. Though, this would be a good time to mention our long-standing tradition called the “golf clap,” which is when you hear the title of the movie in the movie itself, and you give a little clap like in a golf game. Invented by Marco S, who acts in movies and tv and probably doesn't want his name on my blog. Try it out!
13. Missing You, by John Waite. But, he IS missing her. Maybe he was spying on 10cc, because this is along the same theme as “I’m Not in Love.” This is a half-decent song, and we will allow it to stay because it introduced a much-needed sense of irony into the genre. Though, I must add—it’s ridiculous to me when people confuse John Waite with Tom Waits.
14. Beautiful In My Eyes Joshua Kadison. Not a seventies song. I think Time Life just ran out of songs and included these “inspired by the seventies” songs to extend the life of this playlist. Boooooooooooooooooooooo.
15. Black Velvet Alannah Myles. Again, um, this song came out in 1989, so this is just padding. I am calling you out, Time Life!
They really are cheaters since seven of these songs from the 70s are from the 80s. Yes, almost 1/2 the list are from another decade. Don’t they have fact checker, research types at Time-Life? Shame on them!
The only song I disagree about is the Wildfire song and I think that’s only because it reminds me of having horses when I was growing up. Totally nostalgia based, not due to the greatness of the song.